Deciding what type of funeral to have: what are my choices?

In recent times, we have seen a transformation in the way funeral services are conducted across West Kent and South London. People’s mindsets and attitudes towards funerals and death have shifted, with many viewing funerals as an opportunity to celebrate life, rather than mourn it. Funerals in Tunbridge Wells and Tonbridge have become much more personal and tailored to the deceased, acknowledging their individuality. There are increased options for getting personalised coffins, choosing from a wide range of funeral cars, as well as many other customisable choices.  

Cremation or burial? 

The first key decision you must make is whether you want to be cremated or buried and where you might like your final resting place to be.  

If you chose a burial, usually a prior service is held, typically in a church or in a funeral home. If cremation is your choice, the entire service is often in one venue at the crematorium service room. These decisions are all flexible and should be discussed with your funeral director. 

Religious or non-religious service? 

A religious service is very much dependent on the traditions or expectations of the religion of the deceased and/or their family. However, there are some universal similarities that you can expect from a faith service. A religious leader will preside over the event and guide mourners through the process of saying goodbye, hymns are usually sung, and prayers are read.  

A non-religious funeral is led by a person known as a ‘celebrant‘ and focuses on the person and their life, rather than religious readings or rites. It can be much like a traditional funeral service, just with non-religious music and poems instead of hymns and prayers. The heart of a humanist funeral is the tribute section, which typically lasts up to 15 minutes. Celebrants work with the family of the person who has passed away to create a unique and meaningful funeral. 

The increasing choice of coffins  

For some people, the idea of spending a lot of money on a coffin or casket is nonsensical. Some people believe that if they’re cremated, a coffin or casket is simply used to transport their body to their funeral and then burned. For others, the choice of a coffin or casket is much more significant and should be a dignified mode of accommodating a body before, during and after a funeral service. 

There are a variety of different coffins to choose from such as: Traditional coffins, Cardboard coffins, Wicker coffins, Bamboo coffins and Eco coffins. If a casket is chosen, your two options are wooden or metal.   

Decorative and colourful coffins also offer a unique way of personalising the funeral. From pre-designed and themed coffins depicting anything from flowers to landscapes, to completely personalised designs, for example incorporating sports teams or hobbies. 

How to personalise your funeral  

• Music: Nowadays, when planning a funeral, people often decide to play songs that are personal, or favourites of our deceased loved one. This is to pay homage to their memory and take a minute to enjoy songs they loved which remind us of them. This can be a more personal way for mourners to celebrate a life at a funeral, rather than commonly selected traditional funeral songs and hymns. 

• Eulogy: In conjunction with modern funerals becoming more of a celebration of life, there are often jokes and humour added to eulogies. The idea behind this is to encourage friends, family and loved ones to laugh at fond memories and stories, remembering the good, and using humour as a way to connect with others also grieving. A slide show of photographs is often requested as part of a visual celebration of the deceased’s life journey with family and friends, set to a favourite song.  

• Clothing request: Many people insist during their lives that when they pass away, they want their funeral to be an uplifting affair, and a common request is to forego the traditional black attire in favour of colourful clothing. If this is what your loved one would have wanted, then it’s a wonderful tribute to their personality and spirit. 

Floral tributes and alternatives to flowers 

Flowers have long been a tradition at funerals, with funeral flower arrangements often placed on top of the casket during transportation and during the funeral. Charitable donations are becoming a common replacement for sympathy flowers, but many people like to have something adorning the top of the coffin from close family members. 

If you are looking for some support in planning a funeral, please contact us as we’d be honoured to help you. We have a range of options and plans to suit a variety of budgets.