Losing a loved one is hard. But when a loved one loses a loved one, the hard part is knowing how to act. Do they want to talk? Or fondly reminisce in silence? Do you say, “I’m so sorry,” when you both know all the apologies in the world cannot bring them back? Should you bring them a casserole? And is it even possible to bake a heartful of love and support into a freezer meal?
Everyone grieves differently, but recent data from Theos Think Tank (2023) gives us helpful insights into the most common ways people seek support during bereavement. If you are supporting someone in West Kent or Southeast London, this research – and our guidance – may help you feel more confident in your compassion.
When the funeral is over and the cards stop arriving, the real journey of grief begins. Theos found that almost three-quarters of people (72%) turn to family first, and 59% turn to friends. This shows that if you are close to someone who is grieving, simply being present can make an enormous difference.
Interestingly, more than twice as many people would choose to speak to a counsellor (13%) than a faith leader (6%). Only 4% said they would turn to their wider faith community. That said, those who actively practise a religion are far more likely to seek spiritual support: 38% would reach out to a faith leader and 31% would turn to their faith community.
What this tells us is that most people lean on their existing network of loved ones rather than formal organisations, at least initially. However, many do seek professional help or guidance during funeral planning or later in the grieving process. At Welham Jones, we often find that even those who are not religious may appreciate support from our team in planning a funeral or discussing memorial options.
The survey also revealed that the type of support people value can depend on age and background. Practical support becomes more important with age; for example, 59% of over-55s prioritised legal or administrative help after a bereavement, compared with just 27% of 18–24-year-olds.
Socio-economic situations also played into responses. Pastoral and emotional support, such as simply having someone to talk to, was chosen by 52% of ABC1 respondents but only 36% of C2DE respondents, suggesting some people may not feel entitled to this type of help. Interestingly, those who regularly attend religious services were significantly more likely to value emotional and spiritual support (62%) and reflection on life after death (22%).
This data is a reminder that grief is not “one-size-fits-all.” Some people may need help with the practicalities of funeral planning, while others may simply want someone to sit with them and listen.
When you don’t yet know the right words to say, a simple act of support can often do all the talking for you – and it often relieves stress during a busy, exhausting time., However, how you offer help can be just as important as what you offer. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try specific offers such as:
You could also:
When someone you care about is grieving, you might not know what to do or say – but your presence matters more than the perfect words, but here are some ideas:
Consistency is key. Grief can last months or years, so checking in periodically – even after the immediate aftermath – shows that your care is ongoing.
In short, supporting someone who is grieving is about showing up, listening without judgement, and gently offering both emotional and practical help. The first step is always to ask.
Planning a funeral can be a difficult job, but it is often one that benefits from a clear vision and a conversation between one or two people and a funeral director. But what happens if that person hasn’t been named in the will? Knowing who has the legal standing to make these arrangements is vital to ensure your loved one receives the send-off they deserve without unnecessary family conflict.
As a family-run funeral director operating across the southeast, we know that when you are facing the difficult task of planning a funeral, having a reputable, local funeral director helps to make that task just a little bit easier. We are honoured to have been shortlisted as finalists at the Tonbridge Business Awards 2026. For us, it is always a pleasure to see our hard work formally recognised, but for you and your family in Tonbridge, this award represents the peace of mind needed to know you are in safe hands.
When a loved one passes away, it is your legal duty to notify the government and register the death. However, in such a trying time, the government’s ‘Tell Us Once’ service allows families peace of mind and removes additional administrative stress.
We're here to help
We’re here to help with care and compassion. If we can be of assistance please contact us for support or guidance using the following form.
