We all know we’re sadly not going to live forever, but still, only one in a hundred of us have an in-depth conversation about how we would like to be remembered. Yet speaking about death openly with your loved ones creates the opportunity for them to understand your preferences for your funeral arrangements – which can relieve stress for them when the time comes. We understand that finding a way to start that discussion can sometimes be difficult, so we’re sharing our tips on how to talk to your loved ones about your funeral, and what to do if they’re not ready for it, or you’re concerned they might not honour your wishes.
For many people, there is a natural trigger that prompts them to think about how they would like to be remembered – typically retirement, old age or illness, or at other key points when they are putting their affairs in order, for example planning their estate finances.
For some, there never is a right time; it’s something they simply don’t want to think about. If that’s how you feel, it’s not a problem, as your executors and/or loved ones will do what they think is appropriate or what they think you would have wanted.
However, most people underestimate the number of decisions involved in organising a funeral, so giving your loved ones some guidance beforehand can take pressure off what is already an emotional time. It can also help their wellbeing if they know that your final farewell was in line with your wishes and they have done you proud.
As a society, we’re getting better at having the conversations that previous generations shunned, and funerals are becoming more about celebrations of life than the sombre events that they used to be.
However, it can be difficult to find the right moment, so here are some ways for starting the conversation:
If you fear that your loved ones won’t respect your wishes – you may suspect they will prefer to save money, or fear there may be arguments between them – appoint a third-party, independent executor (often a solicitor) solely or in conjunction with your loved ones, who can referee any disagreements among your loved ones and ensure your wishes are upheld.
Although it can be a daunting conversation to have, it can help both you and your loved ones feel better prepared for whatever may lie ahead if you can begin talking about what type of funeral you’d like.
If you are looking for some support in planning a funeral or would like to discuss the options available, we’d love to help you.
As a family-run funeral director operating across the southeast, we know that when you are facing the difficult task of planning a funeral, having a reputable, local funeral director helps to make that task just a little bit easier. We are honoured to have been shortlisted as finalists at the Tonbridge Business Awards 2026. For us, it is always a pleasure to see our hard work formally recognised, but for you and your family in Tonbridge, this award represents the peace of mind needed to know you are in safe hands.
When a loved one passes away, it is your legal duty to notify the government and register the death. However, in such a trying time, the government’s ‘Tell Us Once’ service allows families peace of mind and removes additional administrative stress.
As a local, family-run funeral directors with over 30 years’ experience, we are often asked if family members are able to visit their loved ones prior to the funeral and where they are kept. And as a father-daughter-led company, we fully empathise with these concerns. Here is how you can visit your family member when you plan a funeral through Welham Jones.
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