The location is easy. Deciding the flower arrangements, slightly trickier. But, when planning a funeral, we hear many family members say that writing the eulogy is the hardest part. Where do I start? What are people expecting me to say? How can I possibly epitomise an entire life in just one speech? With over thirty years of experience helping families across West Kent and South East London arrange funerals, we know how daunting this task can be. That’s why we’ve put together a practical guide, with tips to help you write and deliver a eulogy that truly honours your loved one.
The word “eulogy” comes from the Latin eulogium, derived from the Greek eu (“good” or “well”) and logia (“speaking”). Loosely translated, it means “speaking well”, and while people or places can be eulogised, today the word most often refers to a speech in praise of someone who has died.
The tradition dates back thousands of years. In ancient Mesopotamia, funeral dirges were inscribed on clay tablets as early as 2000 BCE. In ancient Egypt, priests and family members delivered ornate orations during elaborate funeral rites. And in ancient Greece, funeral orations were so important that leaders like Pericles became renowned for them.
Through history, eulogies have been a way to:
While styles have evolved; modern eulogies may include humour, personal anecdotes, or even multimedia tributes, the purpose remains the same: to acknowledge a life and the impact it had on others.
A eulogy is usually delivered by someone who had a close and meaningful relationship with the deceased. This could be:
Sometimes, more than one person may speak, offering different perspectives. As experienced funeral arrangers in Sevenoaks, Tonbridge, Tunbridge Wells and across the southeast, we often guide families through this decision, helping them choose the right person or people to share those memories.
There is no single “correct” way to write a eulogy. As a rough guide, many fall around the 3–5 minute mark, however, this is not always the case: Charles Spencer’s eulogy for princess Diana – often hailed as a great example of a eulogy – was around 9 minutes, while Bindi Irwin, still very young when she commemorated her father, Steve, managed to move the assembled mourners with just 90 seconds.
For some, who are not fans of public speaking or worry about getting through such an emotional speech, 35 minutes feels like a lifetime, while for others it seems hardly enough time to remember a life loved. However, no matter how you feel about delivering a eulogy, believe that the best ones are able to find a theme and focus on it. We have noticed four distinct categories, which may help you to get started:
The choice often depends on your relationship with the person, the tone of the funeral, and how they would want to be remembered.
Starting is often the hardest part. Speak with friends and family. Someone else’s memory or phrase might spark a memory, highlight a theme, or provide the perfect starting point. Here are a few prompts that may help you:
Imagine your loved one is in the room. How would you normally talk to them? This can make the tone more natural and personal. From here, it is often a lot easier to narrow down:
Reading it out will help you check the flow and prepare for the emotion of the moment.
Words on a page can be deceiving: three minutes written may be much longer spoken, especially when emotions are heightened, and there is nothing worse than worrying about timings during a loving goodbye.
You don’t have to be a writer to write a eulogy. Many feel the pressure to suddenly get poetic, agonising over metaphors and similes in a way that is unnatural to them. And, while choosing a few lines of meaningful poetry or a song lyric from a shared memory can be a great addition; we promise that the thing that makes your eulogy moving, is you. A heartfelt speech written in your own words is far more than a speech written with the ‘right’ ones.
Planning a funeral can be a difficult job, but it is often one that benefits from a clear vision and a conversation between one or two people and a funeral director. But what happens if that person hasn’t been named in the will? Knowing who has the legal standing to make these arrangements is vital to ensure your loved one receives the send-off they deserve without unnecessary family conflict.
As a family-run funeral director operating across the southeast, we know that when you are facing the difficult task of planning a funeral, having a reputable, local funeral director helps to make that task just a little bit easier. We are honoured to have been shortlisted as finalists at the Tonbridge Business Awards 2026. For us, it is always a pleasure to see our hard work formally recognised, but for you and your family in Tonbridge, this award represents the peace of mind needed to know you are in safe hands.
When a loved one passes away, it is your legal duty to notify the government and register the death. However, in such a trying time, the government’s ‘Tell Us Once’ service allows families peace of mind and removes additional administrative stress.
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