Over our 30 years supporting families throughout West Kent and Southeast London, we have seen more and more families wanting to personalise their send-off in ways that are as unique as their loved ones – and we have seen them getting more and more creative with it, too. But within that, one ancient form of customisation has been lost – the flowers. Here, we delve into the tradition of flowers at funerals, what each one symbolises, and how you can combine them to convey a quiet message to your loved one.
Flowers have always been one of the most natural ways to express our deepest emotions, whether joy, celebration, or sympathy. When words are not enough, flowers offer a way to bring beauty and comfort to an otherwise difficult moment.
The tradition of using flowers in funerals dates back thousands of years – not for purely aesthetic reasons, but as a practical necessity. In 1951, archaeologist Dr Ralph Solecki discovered several ancient burial sites in Shanidar Cave, Northern Iraq, containing pollen and flower fragments dating back to 62,000 B.C. This was recorded as one of the earliest forms of human ritual, suggesting that even early humans used flowers to mark the passing of someone they loved.
In ancient times, flowers were also used to mask odours before modern embalming techniques were developed. Depending on the climate, flowers were placed in abundance around the deceased to make the environment more pleasant for mourners.
Today, flowers are chosen primarily for their beauty, symbolism, and ability to create a sense of calm and dignity. They help us express love, comfort and sympathy in a way words often cannot – turning a sombre occasion into a meaningful, even uplifting, tribute.
Lilies
The most traditional funeral flower, lilies are closely associated with purity and the soul’s return to innocence. White stargazer lilies symbolise sympathy and compassion, while Oriental lilies are often chosen to represent eternal life.
Roses
White roses symbolise humility and reverence, red roses represent love and respect, and pink roses express gratitude. Yellow roses are often sent by friends to signify their enduring bond, while a single rose in an arrangement is a heartfelt gesture of lasting love. They also symbolise remembrance – which is why we leave one behind on the pillow when we bring a loved one into our care.
Orchids
Orchids symbolise eternal love and beauty.
Gladioli
Tall and striking, gladioli symbolise strength of character and integrity – making them a fitting choice for honouring someone principled and courageous.
Chrysanthemums
Chrysanthemums are strongly associated with funerals in many cultures and symbolise loyalty, friendship, and rebirth.
Carnations
White carnations represent innocence, pink convey remembrance, and red symbolise admiration.
Hydrangeas, daffodils and daisies
Hydrangeas represent understanding and friendship; daffodils are linked to hope and new beginnings; daisies symbolise innocence and are often used for children’s services.
Flower symbolism can vary between cultures. For example, white chrysanthemums are a common funeral flower across much of Europe and Asia, symbolising death and lamentation – whereas in the UK, they may simply represent loyalty and friendship.
In China, Japan and Korea, white is the colour of mourning, while red flowers may be considered inappropriate for funerals. In contrast, many Western cultures embrace red roses as a symbol of love and respect.
If you are arranging a funeral for someone from a different cultural background, it is always wise to check what is customary for that culture to ensure your choices are appropriate.
Flowers are more than just decoration – they are a language of love, comfort and remembrance that helps us say goodbye when words fall short.
Losing a loved one is hard. But when a loved one loses a loved one, the hard part is knowing how to act. Do they want to talk? Or fondly reminisce in silence? Do you say, “I’m so sorry,” when you both know all the apologies in the world cannot bring them back? Should you bring them a casserole? And is it even possible to bake a heartful of love and support into a freezer meal?
Everyone grieves differently, but recent data from Theos Think Tank (2023) gives us helpful insights into the most common ways people seek support during bereavement. If you are supporting someone in West Kent or Southeast London, this research – and our guidance – may help you feel more confident in your compassion.
You save into their university fund, put money aside for their wedding, their first house, their first car. But the idea of having to fund your own child’s funeral? It is a thought that no parent ever thinks will cross their mind, and one that no one should ever have to. However, in our 30 years of helping families throughout West Kent and Southeast London, it would be duplicitous to say that this is a situation we have never come across, however much we would like to.
In July 2019, the government launched the Children’s Funeral Fund, aiming to help cover the costs for grieving families. We know that no sum can account for the loss of a child, but we would like to give you information about the fund to ensure families are aware of all resources available to them.
Hollywood and prime-time TV love to show the drama of death: the paramedic calls the time, the eyelids are gently shut, and the melancholy band strikes up before we fade to the funeral scene. However, in reality, there is a lot more that goes on between a passing and a funeral, most crucially, registering a death in the UK – without which no further action can occur. So, how do you register a death, and who is qualified to do it?
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