For some families, the moment the curtains close at a funeral can be unexpectedly unsettling. Such a simple act can leave you feeling off balance—suddenly unsure where your loved one has gone, what is happening to them, and when they will be returned to you. The world behind the curtain can feel strangely distant, elusive, separate from your own. It may sound surprising, but in our 30+ years supporting families across the Southeast, we know these thoughts are more common than you might think. That is why we want to help—by dispelling the myths, sharing the facts, and offering some gentle reassurance about what really happens beyond the curtain.
When the final words have been spoken, and the curtains close, or you quietly leave the chapel, you may wonder: what happens next?
The coffin is resting on a structure called a catafalque, behind which are usually a set of discreet doors or a concealed mechanism. These lead directly into the crematory—the technical area where the cremation takes place. Once mourners have left the chapel, the coffin is respectfully moved by the crematorium technician, using a hydraulic trolley, through to a side room, where it will rest for a short while. At the local crematoria that we work with, Kent & Sussex Crematorium in Tunbridge Wells, this process is handled with the utmost care and dignity.
Wherever possible, cremation is carried out on the same day as the service which is standard practice at many crematoria. However, some facilities operate with a 24-hour window. If same-day cremation is not guaranteed, your funeral director—whether in Borough Green, Orpington and Chelsfield, Chislehurst and Bromley, Sevenoaks, Swanley, Tonbridge or Tunbridge Wells—will advise you at the time of arrangement.
Before cremation, a strict identification protocol is followed. A nameplate, secured to the coffin by the funeral director, is checked by crematorium staff upon arrival. If the name does not match official records, the cremation is refused.
Once the cremator is ready, this information is checked again by the technician, who will cross-reference at least three identifiers (such as name, age, and date of death). They then generate a unique ID card, which follows the coffin through the entire process.
The cremation itself takes about 90 minutes, after which the remains, still hot from being exposed to heat of around 900°c are moved temporary container beneath the cremator and left to cool for around 75 minutes.
Once cooled, the remains are processed by a piece of equipment called a cremulator, which separates out any remaining metal components—such as surgical pins or coffin nails—before reducing the remains into the familiar soft ash.
Any metals found are typically recycled, with any financial proceeds donated to charity. However, if you would prefer to retain them, let your funeral director know during the funeral planning stage.
The ashes are placed into a secure urn (usually cardboard these days for environmental reasons), which is what most families receive unless an alternative has been chosen prior to the service. This is a temporary, practical container, not designed for display or long-term use. If you’d like something more personal or decorative, you can choose an urn or an alternative memorial item.
Most crematoria will return ashes to your funeral director within a few days for no additional charge, who will then be in touch to arrange a suitable time for collection, or to discuss scattering or burial options.
You can explore your nearest cemeteries and crematoria here.
Through 30+ years of working local funeral directors across West Kent and Southeast London, we’ve seen society get progressively better at speaking to loved ones about funerals, meaning that a lot of the mystery and myth surrounding our trade has – thankfully – started to clear. However, one question that we are still often asked is ‘what does a funeral arranger do?’ We sat down with Tunbridge Wells’ funeral arranger Sam O’flynn to find out the responsibilities, trials and triumphs that come with being a funeral arranger.
The funeral cortege – the journey that carries the deceased and mourners to the site of the funeral ceremony – has long been seen as a purely functional aspect of the service; a way from get from A to B. However, at Welham Jones, we believe that there are a whole host of opportunities that hide between these two little letters, and that the cortege it is an often-overlooked opportunity for loved ones to reminisce one last time. So, what are the popular sights that bring back memories for Tonbridge locals? and how can you customise your cortege?
Planning a funeral, whether for a loved one or for yourself in advance, is one of the most personal decisions you’ll ever make. It’s also one that often has to be made quickly, and during a time of great emotional stress. That’s why it’s so important to feel confident that the funeral director you choose is the right fit for your family. As a family-run, independent funeral director with branches across West Kent and South East London, we understand how crucial trust, transparency and compassion are when supporting someone through loss. Here’s how to make sure you’re in safe hands from the very start.
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