Through 30+ years of working local funeral directors across West Kent and Southeast London, we’ve seen society get progressively better at speaking to loved ones about funerals, meaning that a lot of the mystery and myth surrounding our trade has – thankfully – started to clear. However, one question that we are still often asked is ‘what does a funeral arranger do?’ We sat down with Tunbridge Wells’ funeral arranger Sam O’Flynn to find out the responsibilities, trials and triumphs that come with being a funeral arranger.
Sam O’Flynn didn’t always see herself in the funeral profession. In fact, she spent 18 years working as a gym instructor before taking a friend’s advice to hand her CV to local employers; including Welham Jones. The result? An unexpected but fulfilling career change.
“I wasn’t looking for a job in funerals,” she admits. “A friend of mine who’s a celebrant suggested I try, and before I knew it, I was sitting in the Tunbridge Wells office wondering how I’d got there!”
Sam began her journey with training at our Borough Green branch before shadowing her predecessor in Tunbridge Wells, and quickly becoming a treasured and valuable member of our tight-knit team. Although new to the sector, she felt this allowed her to learn the Welham Jones way; focused on compassion, personal service, and putting families at ease from the very first conversation.
Like many in the funeral industry, Sam says there is no such thing as a “typical day.” Her mornings often begin with a cup of tea and practical set-up; putting the signs out, turning on the computer, and checking calls — but from there, it’s anyone’s guess.
“Some days, it’s quiet and I will catch up on paperwork. You must make the most of those days” ” She says, Because on others, I might have four orders of service to prepare, or a walk-in family needing to arrange a large funeral. You never know what’s around the corner and when a family needs us, they’re the priority, so you must be prepared”
Her role as a funeral arranger in Tunbridge Wells is all about flexibility and responsiveness: adapting to what each family needs on any given day.
What sets Sam apart is the deeply personal way she approaches each arrangement. She avoids beginning meetings with paperwork or forms, preferring instead to start with an informal chat about the deceased.
“I don’t want it to feel like an interview,” she explains. “Instead I’ll offer them a cup of tea and just start having a conversation; when you ask a family about their loved one, they absolutely light up and you often end up finding out a lot more information than if you had just given them a set of questions. This helps me to pick up details I can later use to personalise the funeral.”
Whether it’s placing a Scottish flag on the coffin or weaving a favourite colour into the order of service, Sam discretely catches these small but meaningful details to create services that reflect the person being remembered.
However, she notes that it is important to remember that her meetings with clients can be very emotional:
“Your brain does funny things when you’re in such a heightened state” She says, “it’s very easy to miss out some important details and even confirm some others that you don’t actually want.”
To make things easier for families, she follows up every meeting with a clear checklist; outlining what’s been decided and what is still to consider. This way, decisions can be revisited with clarity, avoiding any pressure during an already challenging time.
It is this approach that means Sam can exceed expectations with a large-scale celebration of life but can also honour simplicity and intimacy when that’s what the family wants. One of her most memorable arrangements was for a close-knit family who chose to hold a private service for a husband, intimately remembered by his wife and their son.
“There was such a calm aura about the whole thing,” Sam recalls. “The celebrant placed two chairs next to the coffin, so they weren’t lost in the room. It was deeply personal: just the three of them, together, saying goodbye. They didn’t want any stress, just space to reflect.”
Helping people through grief can take its toll, which is why Sam values the emotional support of her colleagues, particularly Rosanna, who also works as a funeral arranger for Welham Jones but in the Tonbridge area.
“As a single parent of four, I can’t take that emotional weight home. Rosanna and I often call each other for a quick debrief. We make a cup of tea and get it off our chests.”
That peer-to-peer support, built on empathy and mutual understanding, is vital in a job where compassion is required every single day.
When asked what makes a funeral truly special, Sam says it is all about feeling heard.
“If I were on the other side, I’d want to know that everything we discussed had been taken seriously: that we mattered, and that the funeral reflected what we wanted.”
That sense of care, attention, and dignity is what Sam works to provide every family she supports.
Whether planning a large gathering or an intimate farewell — like the small service she arranged for a husband and father with just his wife and son in attendance — Sam’s focus is always on ensuring the service honours the life and wishes of the person being remembered.
A great funeral arranger will make you feel like you and your loved one truly matter.
For some families, the moment the curtains close at a funeral can be unexpectedly unsettling. Such a simple act can leave you feeling off balance—suddenly unsure where your loved one has gone, what is happening to them, and when they will be returned to you. The world behind the curtain can feel strangely distant, elusive, separate from your own. It may sound surprising, but in our 30+ years supporting families across the Southeast, we know these thoughts are more common than you might think. That is why we want to help—by dispelling the myths, sharing the facts, and offering some gentle reassurance about what really happens beyond the curtain.
The funeral cortege – the journey that carries the deceased and mourners to the site of the funeral ceremony – has long been seen as a purely functional aspect of the service; a way from get from A to B. However, at Welham Jones, we believe that there are a whole host of opportunities that hide between these two little letters, and that the cortege it is an often-overlooked opportunity for loved ones to reminisce one last time. So, what are the popular sights that bring back memories for Tonbridge locals? and how can you customise your cortege?
Planning a funeral, whether for a loved one or for yourself in advance, is one of the most personal decisions you’ll ever make. It’s also one that often has to be made quickly, and during a time of great emotional stress. That’s why it’s so important to feel confident that the funeral director you choose is the right fit for your family. As a family-run, independent funeral director with branches across West Kent and South East London, we understand how crucial trust, transparency and compassion are when supporting someone through loss. Here’s how to make sure you’re in safe hands from the very start.
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